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House of Assembly - Fifty-Fifth Parliament, First Session (55-1)
2024-10-30 Daily Xml
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Motions

Oxenham OAM, Ms H.

The Hon. K.A. HILDYARD (Reynell—Minister for Child Protection, Minister for Women and the Prevention of Domestic, Family and Sexual Violence, Minister for Recreation, Sport and Racing) (11:07): I move:

That this house—

(a) pay respect to Ms Helen Oxenham OAM;

(b) offer condolences to Ms Oxenham's family and the many others who loved her;

(c) pay tribute to Ms Oxenham's remarkable work, together with other women, to establish and sustain one of the first women's shelters in our state at Christies Beach;

(d) acknowledge Ms Oxenham's visionary work as a founder of Spirit of Woman through which she led the development of Places of Courage and enabled communities to remember and honour those lost to domestic and family violence and generate awareness and engender crucial conversations about the role we can all play to help eradicate this scourge; and

(e) honour her tireless and inspiring commitment to the prevention of violence against women.

I rise to pay tribute to the life, legacy and impact of the formidable Helen Oxenham OAM and the spirit of this remarkable woman, a woman born in 1930 in Cork, living her early years in Crumlin, near Tallaght, outside Dublin, down the road from Firhouse, from where my stepdad hails, as he and Helen discovered one night over a drink or two, and retaining so much of her beautiful Irish culture through her many years here in Australia.

As has been the path of a number of our Irish brothers and sisters, Helen and her husband immigrated to Australia in the late 1950s, and by the time they got to Adelaide had a child, August; they then welcomed Heather and Peter. I am deeply proud to call Helen a very special friend, a friend whom I love, deeply miss and continue to be inspired by. Helen was a trailblazer, a leader, a tower of strength, whom we will rightly continue to honour through our contributions today and indeed for decades to come.

Helen's determination, the ripples she has created both through art and her indomitable spirit, her care, wit and kindness encouraged me and so many others, and will continue to do so for the rest of her days. I miss her and so often think of her smile, her urging me to continue, her voice and her strength. As we honour and remember Helen and the impact she had on our community, I offer my love to Helen's family, particularly her beautiful and devoted daughter, Heather, who unfortunately is not able to join us but I know is watching on from Sydney and will be delighted to hear members' contributions.

I also offer my love to the many others who loved Helen and the thousands whose lives she touched in that beautiful way of hers, a way that made you feel loved, empowered, strong and special. I have an incredible amount of love and gratitude for all that Helen did and the way she went about it. Helen inspired me and so many others to speak a little louder, to act and to relentlessly persist. Before it was ever talked about in the media—at a time when a 'domestic', as it often was referred to, was somehow seen as a lesser form of violence, its link to gender inequality was rarely contemplated, and alarming attitudes about the roles women should play were shared—Helen forged a path.

From the early seventies, Helen helped lead our struggle against the horror of domestic violence, speaking up, demanding better and providing love and care to the women experiencing it, at a time when far too often they were expected just to accept it as their lot in life. Helen was the driving force behind the Spirit of Woman and Place of Courage ripples. Inspired by Helen, through collective effort these ripples have brought communities together to remember and honour those we have lost, to have conversations and take action to prevent and end violence against women.

I know, through being present at the launch of these ripples and through proudly working with Helen and other passionate people toward them, just how powerful they are in allowing women, and indeed all community members, to reflect, find peace, feel seen and heard in their experiences of violence, and in generating the conversations we absolutely must have to advance change.

The establishment of the first Place of Courage ripple in Christies Beach, the place I proudly call home, was the place where Helen and her band of fearless women friends established one of our state's very first women's shelters, a Place of Courage built through courage indeed. The passion to establish this safe place was born through Helen meeting women in the community experiencing domestic violence and Helen and a number of other remarkable women just knowing they had to help.

Helen remarked in an interview in recent years that hearing the experiences of these women in the community resonated with her because they were 'exactly like my mother'. Helen and her friends cleared out a room in the back of her and her husband's watch repair shop, broke down a window and made it a door, a door that represented welcome and safety. Over time, our ever generous southern community assisted through the donation of goods and money, and in 1977 this first women's shelter was officially opened, with the event attended by Don Hopgood, then health minister.

This extraordinary achievement that provided refuge to women did not come without its challenges. Helen told me of the nights when groups of men thought it would be funny and possibly opportunistic to roll up at the shelter late at night, after sinking a skinful of beer at the Christies, to bang on windows and ask the women to come out for a drink. In Helen they met their match and were firmly shooed away. She told me of the constant work to help identify pathways for the women to longer term accommodation to get set up to live a new, safer life. She told me of days and nights of rounding up furniture for new places for women and just being with them in their saddest, hardest times.

Helen did all of this while being an active member of our southern community in other ways. She is well known at our beloved Christies Beach footy club for many reasons, but one that has stayed in the collective memory of the club for decades. Helen's son Augie played footy with the Saints. Hailing from Ireland, where hurling, Gaelic football and the world game were predominantly played, Helen started out intrigued when she first saw Augie play. Her intrigue quickly turned to anger when she saw an enormous tackle laid on her son and him lying on the ground under a pile of players. Helen found the way that her son had been treated unacceptable and took to the oval with her umbrella to shoo those pesky opposition players away.

When she was not taking on the impromptu role of footy umpire and peacemaker, Helen worked tirelessly for decades, raising money and donations to offer safe haven to hundreds of women through the shelter's inception and its years of running and through advocating for and bringing to life Spirit of Woman, work which led her to rightly being bestowed an Order of Australia medal in 2020, Key to the City of Onkaparinga, and last month having her work honoured at the KWY FOCUS Awards.

Ten years ago beautiful Helen first came to meet me in my office. We literally could not stop talking, sharing a little about our respective childhood experiences and building this beautiful bond that I think about and still feel so very often, a feeling that Heather recently said to me means Helen is still looking out for me, encouraging. What a special thought that is, Heather. We shared so much and left that first meeting with a steadfast commitment to make The Place of Courage happen wherever we could and for these places to generate conversations that encourage understanding and commitment by all who visit to take responsibility and action to advance change.

Helen and I shared many memories across this journey and I feel humbled to have had the opportunity to support her in every way I could as she tirelessly campaigned to launch Ripples, now in place in Christies Beach, Seaford, St Clair, Gawler, Burnside, Murray Bridge and in the Port Adelaide Enfield council area. The launch event at Christies saw a large crowd attend, an emotional gathering, which gave space to contemplate our need to work together for communities free from violence and for peace, safety and love for all women and children.

How someone makes you feel is really important. Helen always made me feel good about myself, emboldened in continuing our struggle to tackle gender inequality and violence against women, happy and more determined than ever. Every time I saw her she told me I looked like I had just come out of a band box, told me that she had loved my particular words and that I was getting better and made me laugh and always unfailingly said to me to remember how much she loved me and how proud I must make my mum. As any woman in politics, or working toward a cause that you carry in your heart and mind every day, knows, these are some of the things you just need to hear and know as you continue.

Helen's birthday was on Christmas Day. She was so loved by so many people, but Heather and Helen made time one Christmas morning—also a birthday morning for Helen—to head to the waves at Southport and cheer Heather and I on whilst we dived into the sea with the Southport surf lifesaving crew and rode what locals know as the Southport express.

I saw the difference Helen made to the kids of Christies Beach High School, being alongside them as they sought help around some of the violence they experienced in their homes and encouraged their voices through art and music and in so many other ways. Helen was the life of every party. Our 10-minute chats regularly turned into three hours. She started the singing and the laughter and connected everyone around her through it.

As members speak on their own stories of Helen and what her life means to us all individually, I know that the common attributes of Helen will shine through. She was fierce, beautiful, kind and wise. Helen was a relentless fighter for all that mattered and a woman with the most enormous heart and capacity for love. In the words of one of her favourite songs, Helen encouraged us all to not be 'too polite' and to 'show a little fight', to 'not be fearful of offending in case you get the sack, but to recognise your value and not look back', and to always 'keep your hearts full, girls, keep our hearts full'. This song will forever stay in my heart and mind, as will Helen's singing of it, and the encouragement of women she met through doing so will continue to spur us on.

We often rightly say that we want someone to rest in peace. I suspect that Helen will rest easy, as she should, but will always be urging us not to rest but to continue her legacy however we can. Again, to Heather and to all of Helen's family, so very much love to you. We will, indeed, not rest. And to Helen, to quote a beautiful Irish blessing:

May the road rise up to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

The rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Mr TEAGUE (Heysen) (11:20): I rise to commend, endorse and support the motion and acknowledge the contribution of the minister just now, capturing the nature and spirit of Helen and in expressing a solidarity with Helen's work and what is ahead since her passing. I think this motion, coming as it does now some months after Helen's passing, shows that Helen's legacy is a towering one that is alive and well and that will continue to be a powerful force throughout the state of South Australia. Indeed, I expect Helen's pioneering example will set an example far and wide for a long time to come.

I am very glad to hear that Heather might be watching from Sydney. Heather was very straightforward about how, when you honour the legacy of someone like Helen, it is not all sort of bound up in solemnity and, as it were, the calm and reverence, it is also acknowledging that Helen was a powerful force. Indeed, she was a demanding character including, particularly, in terms of the demands that she placed on Heather to get on and continue the work. I acknowledge Heather today and I hope that the occasion of this parliament debating the motion now, as it does, is something that Heather and the rest of the family can take some real joy from.

We support the motion to pay respect, to offer condolences and at this time, particularly, to pay tribute to Helen. I will say a bit more about The Place of Courage in particular, her founding of Spirit of Woman.

I reflect again, as I did in a contribution on 27 August this year, just a couple of weeks after the memorial service at South Adelaide footy club on 2 August, that the outpouring from community was there for all to see on that day. I know those of us who were fortunate to be able to be there saw the formalities of that occasion flowing into—I still do not know when it might have ended—just one after the other, people stepping up and having something to say about Helen as the afternoon went on. Hundreds of people gathered on that special occasion happening in the days following Helen's passing on 23 July this year.

One thing that I just reflect on in particular about those tributes to Helen at the memorial service that is particularly personal and moving to me is that it was not only that people were coming up and saying how they knew Helen or shared something of Helen's life but there were so many who were moved to talk, sometimes for the first time publicly, about their own experience of the suffering of violence and in ways that you would not have expected it to be at all.

A dear friend of mine was among them. He told me later. I said, 'I had no clue.' I spent a decade with him through our adolescence. He said, 'Yes, it's the first time that I have said a word about the life that I had as a child and the experience of violence.' So it should not just be assumed that there are the Helens out there who then lead to shelter being there, and of course that is there, and then there is support, and then there are things we can talk about. But we are still in an environment of domestic and sexual violence where it is not talked about. There are still cultural and social norms and challenges to get past. So that day was particularly moving and I think reminds us that there is so much more to do.

Go back 50 years to the seventies and Helen's adopted home in the southern suburbs and the establishment of that first shelter, and you are there in an environment, which Helen described, where you would have fathers of adolescent girls who would want to give Helen the rounds of the kitchen, saying, 'Where's my daughter? She'll be coming right back home right now,' and Helen would say, 'No, she's not, she's cared for here,' and the standing up to those social norms were many times over difficult and challenging circumstances that Helen confronted.

Of course, let's also remember that it was not until her 20s that Helen moves to Australia. She very much grows up in Cork, Ireland, and comes over and raises a family in the southern suburbs of Adelaide, and it is as a woman in her 40s that she has an opportunity to study at Flinders Uni and then put into practice these values of practical assistance for women. We then see a life led right through her middle age and into her old age leading the way in support for women and, as the minister has said, starting out and very much remaining at home base in and around Christies Beach and the southern suburbs.

I note, as I did in remarks back in August, that The Place of Courage—and, again, a word to Heather—was very much a key project of Helen's in recent years and something that she continued to pester Heather about all the way to the end and has passed on that task to her. I am proud, as I have referred to before, of the Marshall Liberal government's contribution of $200,000 towards the establishment of that Place of Courage, and we know that there is more that is needed to do there to support the Spirit of Woman and in so many ways to carry on that important work. So we say, once again, vale Helen Oxenham OAM.

The Hon. N.F. COOK (Hurtle Vale—Minister for Human Services, Minister for Seniors and Ageing Well) (11:29): I support wholeheartedly the motion paying respect to the wonderful, the beautiful Helen Oxenham and thank my friend the Minister for Child Protection but importantly the Minister for Women and the Prevention of Domestic, Family and Sexual Violence for bringing this motion to the house and also for her relentless pursuit to ensure that the memory of Helen and the work of Heather will absolutely continue, and has continued, because she does not stop with this. This is absolutely a mission that is shared amongst all of us, not just the women in this team—although we have a lot of them—but the entire team here.

I remember Helen as formidable, a domestic violence advocate, a pioneer, a leader but importantly a friend, a friend to all of us. I am unashamedly south for life. My postcode has always been 5162, neighbouring suburb to Christies Beach. I grew up in that area.

While I was first lucky enough to meet Helen as part of some work in the south around violence prevention following the loss of my son, there were round tables that were formed around that work going back now around 14 years ago that I was lucky enough to be part of. I was seated next to this woman who I thought was the most incredible, powerful but quiet person who only said things when it mattered to make it count. I thought: 'Who is this?' I had never met her before. Sitting listening, I unpacked the story and I realised who, in fact, she was. She was the legend that was Helen Oxenham.

She shared how to and why we were activists, why and how to be determined and why and how we could display stoicism in the face of adversity. She did this through very few words; she just knew how to target them.

I knew of Helen. She is very well known as having established the first domestic violence shelter in the south known as number 73—this was in the seventies in Christies Beach—along with the equally formidable Peggy Robinson, Josie Harvie and Connie Fraser. What warriors, what lobbyists for awareness and services, but equally I know Helen was determined that prevention come to the surface and be as important or more important than other things in this space.

Their story goes that after only recently immigrating from Ireland, she already became quite notorious with the police as such. There is a quote that says:

If a husband came looking for his wife, they would tell him: 'Go down to number 73 Beach Road [because] there's a mad Irishwoman down there [and] she's bound to be behind it.'

Well, behind it she was. I know that woman who set up number 73 formed a collective of hope and safety for so many women in the area, with the door always open, always there for safety, for support and for refuge for children and women fleeing violence, sometimes up to 20 at a time in a four-bedroom house to provide that protection and safety. Helen would stand up to people five times her size to protect those seeking shelter.

Without giving too much detail, I know very personally somebody whose life has absolutely been saved because of Helen and because of her stoicism and her absolute determination to protect. I did not know why my friend used to disappear quite regularly until I was a much older adult. She showed me what I think at the time was Flagstaff Electrical. Twenty years before it had been the haven for where she and her mother and little brothers were protected.

So that legend is fact and that fact is important. While it is no longer a shelter, the legacy of Helen Oxenham will continue. It continues across other shelters in the south, which many of us have visited and many of us show our support for as much as we absolutely can, and the work of domestic violence organisations across South Australia is because of this determination.

Helen was bestowed the Key to the City of Onkaparinga. One of the highest honours you can get is the key to a city, and I know Helen absolutely took joy in that. While I could not be at that ceremony, it was an absolute privilege to be with my friend the member for Reynell and the member for Kaurna, to be able to congratulate her and thank Mayor Moira Were on doing that beautiful honour.

To Heather and the family, thank you for sharing your mum, thank you for sharing your nanna, thank you for sharing your aunty. All of you have served South Australia with the biggest privilege that can be bestowed, and that is the love and strength of a woman like Helen Oxenham who will remain in history as one of the pioneers, one of the absolute warriors. We will see this in the Spirit of Woman, we will see this in the ripples, we will be able to sit and reflect and contemplate and send others to those places to reaffirm their determination that everyone in our community should be and will be safe.

Helen, it is because of strong tenacious women like you that we are. So I thank you and say rest in power, Helen Oxenham.

Ms THOMPSON (Davenport) (11:37): I, too, rise to speak about this beautiful woman. I first met Helen Oxenham shortly after becoming Mayor of the City of Onkaparinga and a representative for women in the south. Having been fortunate to not have personally experienced domestic violence in my life, but wanting to be a voice for those in my community who had, I was privileged to have Helen guide me in my advocacy. She generously shared her stories with me—many of those we have heard today from the members of Reynell, Hurtle Vale and Heysen—and she really showed me the way in this space, which I was extremely grateful for.

Helen was a tireless advocate for domestic violence survivors, dedicating over 40 years of her life to creating safe spaces for women in need. Beginning her work in the 1970s, Helen played a pivotal role in establishing South Australia's first women's shelter at Christies Beach, which became a lifeline for countless women escaping violence. Her unwavering commitment and vision helped transform how we support those affected by domestic violence.

Helen's efforts did not stop at providing immediate refuge. She believed deeply in the power of healing and community reflection. Her vision for The Place of Courage, public art projects at Christies Beach, and now Adelaide too, stand as a testament to her commitment. It serves as a place for the community to remember, heal and raise awareness about the devastating impacts of domestic violence.

Helen's legacy is not just in her work but in her spirit. She has inspired many with her favourite song Don't Be Too Polite, Girls, which she sang at every opportunity. Its message of standing up, being heard and never backing down from the fight against injustice reflected Helen's own life. She embodied resilience, always encouraging others to push forward in the face of adversity.

Today, we also acknowledge Helen's family and supporters who have stood alongside her every step of the way. They, too, are deeply committed advocates, carrying forward her passion for preventing violence. Your dedication ensures that the work Helen began continues to grow, creating a safer future for all.

Today, I honour not only Helen's memory but the collective strength of those she inspired, who I know will continue this vital work in her name. Helen's work, her song and her spirit will continue to inspire us. We honour her memory by continuing her fight and ensuring that the spaces she created for reflection, safety and healing remain a beacon of hope for survivors. Vale Helen Oxenham.

S.E. ANDREWS (Gibson) (11:40): I rise to support this important motion. I would like to pay my respects to Helen Oxenham OAM and offer condolences to her family and the many others who loved her, including many of my colleagues. I would also like to acknowledge her daughter Heather. It was always so beautiful to see the two of you together. Your love and your strength shone through, and I offer you my deepest sympathies.

I would like to thank my good friend the member for Reynell for moving this motion for this strong, visionary and determined woman. Helen Oxenham's contribution to South Australia, particularly women and predominantly those escaping violence, is unmatched. Helen, together with other incredible women, worked to establish and sustain one of the first women's shelters in our state at Christies Beach. We know the crucial work that women's shelters and domestic and family violence services play in our state, and we can trace so much of this back to the work of Helen.

Born in Cork, Ireland, Helen was the second eldest of six, growing up in corporation housing in Dublin, where she and her family were subjected to horrific domestic violence by her father. Helen married a much gentler man and they emigrated to Australia in the late fifties. Over the next decade, Helen met a range of people who had intimate experience with domestic violence, and this sparked a fire in her to help. Helen, being the pioneer she was, cleared out a room in the back of her shop, broke down a window and made it a door. This building became the first drop-in centre for women seeking refuge.

The local community rallied around the six women, including Helen, who wanted a safe place, safe from men, and in 1977 the first women's shelter was opened. Helen's shelter was followed by women's shelters in Elizabeth, Adelaide, Port Adelaide, Port Augusta and Whyalla. Helen spent decades raising money to offer a safe haven to hundreds of women and children in South Australia. She was an incredible advocate and dedicated her life to supporting women and children experiencing family and domestic violence.

Helen also founded Spirit of Woman, a not-for-profit organisation seeking to change the discourse on domestic and family violence by creating The Place of Courage. These spaces are designed to be a place for grieving, a place of healing and a place for moving forward. They are a strategy to reduce the long-term impact of domestic and family violence on individuals and help prevent its occurrence in the community. Spirit of Woman describes The Place of Courage as a revolutionary and inclusive space which is a powerful public reminder and acknowledgement of the horrific damage caused by domestic and family violence in our communities.

I would like to finish by commending Helen's daughter, Heather, for continuing this work. I encourage all members of this place and in our community to also continue Helen's work, remembering and honouring those lost to domestic and family violence while generating awareness and enabling crucial conversations about the role we can all play to help eradicate this. We must end domestic, family and sexual violence, and while we are achieving that, we must also all support those who survive along the way. Vale Helen.

Ms CLANCY (Elder) (11:43): I would like to begin by thanking the member for Reynell for bringing this motion to the house. I also thank the member for Reynell for first introducing me to Helen. I am pretty sure, if I remember correctly, that the words were, 'Oh, Helen Oxenham! She's a bloody legend!' and she was right, as always. Helen was incredible.

I was so pleased to meet her that day and I was always really happy whenever our paths crossed again, whether it was when I was working for Women's Safety Services or when I actually knocked on her door during the election campaign and was welcomed in for a cup of tea, which I normally do not accept, and a chat, which was lovely. I have loved seeing her since then, since being elected as the member for Elder.

She was always incredibly generous with her time, kind and very, very funny. I think the word trailblazer gets used a fair bit, but she was a real one. She was a true trailblazer. She was an absolute champion. She took her pain and experience and put that energy into action and care for others. I am so grateful she chose to do that, and I am sure there are hundreds of women, children and families who are also really grateful to her for that.

I also want to thank her family and loved ones, who have continued her legacy, especially her daughter, Heather. I want to thank Heather for giving a number of us the opportunity to say our farewells to Helen as well. Thank you for that. Vale Helen. Wherever you may be, I hope you are dancing.

The Hon. K.A. HILDYARD (Reynell—Minister for Child Protection, Minister for Women and the Prevention of Domestic, Family and Sexual Violence, Minister for Recreation, Sport and Racing) (11:46): From the way people have brought that sense of Helen and her beautiful heart through their words to this place, I feel her around us. Again, I have no doubt that she is encouraging us to relentlessly continue and to have some fun and always love and care for each other along the way.

Can I just say thank you so much to everybody who has spoken today. To the member for Heysen, and the member for Hurtle Vale, the member for Davenport, the member for Gibson and the member for Elder—incredible women, beautiful friends—thank you to all of you for absolutely bringing the essence of Helen to life through your words and for sharing those lovely memories of how Helen touched all of our lives and the lives of so many people and, I think through all of our words, collectively committing through them to continue on.

Love again to Heather and to all of her family, and so much gratitude to everybody for sharing today. It has been really lovely to listen and feel those words and feel the woman they were for.

Motion carried.

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