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House of Assembly - Fifty-Fifth Parliament, First Session (55-1)
2024-09-12 Daily Xml
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Minister for Health and Wellbeing

Ms PRATT (Frome) (15:23): Of course, we have had a very busy week. The government has been busy backflipping as it guillotines an unprecedented number of pieces of legislation, and we have been busy holding the government to account, but we did not lose our sense of humour, Mr Deputy Speaker. It seems that the electorate of Kaurna has had its boundaries changed earlier than expected and now extends north to include the suburb of Unley—it is a mystery to me. You would think if a southern electorate like Kaurna was planning an invasion, it might make a play for the member for Mawson's suburbs, like McLaren Vale or Tatachilla or even Maslins Beach even—who knows? But no, according to that highly reliable social media platform called Facebook, the residents of Unley are set to be honoured with the member for Kaurna's company in celebration of his 10th year anniversary in parliament.

In recognition of his significant achievements as the minister responsible for fixing ramping, it seems the member will be hosting his own quiz night. Sadly, I cannot attend; I am sure I would be welcome. But I am told the actual member for Unley has booked a table registered under the name 'Labor closed the Repat', and they have printed their own T-shirts saying, 'We saved the Repat'.

Most of us have grown up playing board games and going to quiz nights, and I am no orphan in this area. I have certainly watched my fair share of game shows. The Labor Party, I am sure, have most likely found their inspiration from the following programs: Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, Deputy, Would I Lie to You?, The Traitors, Picton Family Feud and, my favourite, Have You Been Paying Attention?

The member for Kaurna is so busy updating the Premier on ambulance response times that I have taken the liberty of writing up the SA Health miscellaneous amendment quiz round. I think it is going to save him quite a lot of time. Off we go: 10 questions, at a pace.

Question 1. Not to be confused with a remote tourist destination of the Bungle Bungles, which Labor government health bungle resulted in the miscalculation of due dates for 1,700 maternity patients?

Question 2. According to the minister, how many squeaky wheel retirees in Golden Grove and Norwood does it actually take to change the Retirement Villages Act?

Question 3. How many health audits, reviews, reports, investigations and inquiries has the Malinauskas government promised to deliver since March 2022?

An honourable member: That's too hard.

Ms PRATT: Too hard? Alright. Speaking of audits, let's move to question 4.

Question 4. Which flagship hospital shortage triggered the great fluffy pillow audit of 2023?

Question 5. Halfway there, multiple-choice: a hospital patient who went two days without any pillows reported that the air conditioning unit within her smallish room resembled something out of Star Wars. Multiple-choice, which film was she referring to? The Patients Strike Back? Return of the Pillow? Revenge of the Janitor?

Question 6. Which episode of M*A*S*H featuring Hawkeye, Radar and 'Hot Lips' Houlihan was the wartime inspiration for hospital patients spending the night in storerooms?

Question 7. True or false: the song Yellow by Coldplay was the unofficial theme song for health workers during the unprecedented 10-week internal emergency. True or false? True, I think.

Question 8. At a cost of $2.44 billion, name the most expensive hospital ever built in the world.

Question 9. For bonus points, name the South Australian hospital that will overtake that title by 2030.

Question 10. Final question, and extra points for difficulty here: when will the Malinauskas government fix ramping?

With achievements like this, the Minister for Health and Wellbeing certainly has a lot to celebrate. Just imagine what his legacy will be like in 10 years. If it was not so tragic it would be funny.

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